These days with social media, the numbers game and seeing beautiful people living extravagant lives at every flip of your phone feels like one giant contest. Our society is constantly pointing out who is the prettiest, the smartest, the most successful and the best dressed but let’s be honest — who even determines those standards anyways?
It’s really no surprise so many of us don’t feel comfortable in our own skin. I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled with it in the past and know what it’s all about. You critique yourself and feel shy around others rather than embracing who you are. I felt the same until I realized it all comes down to self-worth and feeling that you are truly of value no matter how you look or act or think or what others think of you.
Not feeling comfortable in your own skin means you’re not accepting who you truly are and feeling you need to adhere to some kind of “norm” which is so silly. Too many of us think ‘If I just looked better, were skinnier, were more successful, then I’d feel comfortable in my own skin,’ but it’s not about that at all. None of those things will make a difference until you learn self-worth.
So here are some ways that helped me find that self-worth we ALL need to find.
No. 1: Stop Seeking Validation From Other People
Too often we want to receive validation from other people. You never want to live for someone else, you want to live for YOU. I think back to the person I was in High School and College sometimes and how I was SO worried what people would think of me. I would always have to be doing something or be seen somewhere even if I hated it. I mean, what kind of life is that?! I remember as started getting more comfortable in my skin I’d stay home on a Friday or Saturday night and my friends would say I was a loser. One, I quickly learned those weren’t friends. And two, I really didn’t give a F***. Nowadays, I do what I want, I live the life I want because I’m comfortable being me and the person I am. Never seek validation from other people. Live the life YOU were born to not the one other people tell you to.
No. 2: Take Care of Yourself for YOU
For the longest time I would always focus on other people. Yes, it’s a good trait to a certain extent. But there were times I was almost way more focused on a guy I was dating than myself. And common do you ever think the guy would give up his life while dating you? No, they NEVER do. So why do we give up ours?
I say this because it’s a reminder to always take put yourself first no matter what. It’s so easy to let your health and fitness fall however taking care of yourself is such an important part of feeling comfortable in your own skin. Not sleeping, not eating right, not drinking enough water — it all has an affect on you. I do so much for myself now — I work out almost every day, give myself facials, eat extremely healthy, get mani/pedis regularly, massages, etc.. Always remember it’s easier to feel good about who you are when you make your needs priorities and never cut them out for someone else.
No. 3: Do Things that Make You Happy
This kind of goes hand in hand with rule no. 1 but it’s slightly different. Do things that make you happy. Sometimes we end up saying “yes” to things we don’t want to do and we do it just for the sake of having friends. People who are comfortable with themselves rarely do this. They know how to say “no” and aren’t afraid to spend tie doing things they enjoy. If you want to sit at home on New Years Eve and watch the ball drop on tv (I may be guilty of this) then by all means do so. When you tart focusing on what you like to do, you’ll get a sense of authenticity.
No. 4: Surround Yourself With Positive People
While not everyone is perfect, surrounding yourself with people who put you down, or are constantly negative won’t help with your self-esteem. I personally don’t have too many friends for the fact that I prefer to keep my circle small and surround myself with positive people that I can trust and who can help lift me up. Being constantly around negativity can have an effect on you too so if you can try to surround yourself with like-minded people who make you feel happy and who you can relate to. If it means its just one or two friends, so be it!
No. 5: Stop Thinking About What Other People Are Thinking About You
Okay this is another one that is super important. When we place too much value on what others think than we do on what we think, feel and believe about ourselves, we will feel more uncomfortable with who we are. I remember when I first started blogging and I would take photos of my outfits and I’d feel SO uncomfortable when people would look at me. I would always choose spots to shoot where there would be no one so they wouldn’t stare because I was so worried what people were thinking I was doing. Now? I could care LESS! It’s so funny I walk in the middle of crowds and ask people to take my photo if I had to. But in all seriousness — I’m out with my photographers and we always laugh at how it doesn’t phase us anymore. Because at the end of the day, who in the world cares what anyone thinks?! You’re using way too much of your precious energy stressing about how others are viewing you. Be you and the right people will be attracted to you for the right reasons. End of story.
No. 6: Practice Gratitude
This is actually something I have been doing for a while. My mother for years has told me to do this and I’m also obsessed with the book, “The Secret” which talks about this very same thing.
Sometimes it’s easy to take ourselves and things for granted even when we don’t mean to. My mother has always told me to remember the wonderful things in life and learn to be grateful for what you have and have been given. I’ve taught myself to practice gratitude for all the things that you can because I’m truly so grateful for the life that I have. I didn’t always used to be this way but when I started to open my mind up a bit more I really started to see my life in a different light. This is going to sound weird but, a lot of the time when I’m driving in my car I am saying thank you to the universe for my life, my body, my mind, etc.. Being grateful is one of the most important things you can do because it will always come back to give you more.
No. 7: Learn How to Be Alone with Yourself
What surprises me is how many people I talk to that never spend any time alone. They are always shocked when they hear I am 100% okay with spending time alone. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a hermit and never comes out of my little cave but what I’m saying is so many people (men and women) I talk to about this subject say they hate being alone or spending time alone. It kind of boggles my mind because while I love having company I absolutely LOVE having time to myself. Time is a thing we all need to appreciate more of in my opinion. Check out some of my absolute favorite timepieces from CLUSE like the one I’m wearing in today’s post here and never forget to treat yourself either.
I guess in our modern day of 24/7 entertainment and communication it’s impossible to completely be alone but peace and quiet with you and your thoughts should be give you a sense of comfort. Maybe it will take time to work up to it but you should be able to spend a night by yourself or a weekend alone without having a complete meltdown. There’s something in it that helps you learn more about you and being more comfortable with yourself.
Obviously these are all just pieces of advice I’ve come to find have worked for me in my journey to be comfortable in my own skin. It might take some time to overcome insecurities but as long as you’re true to yourself and love your flaws and strengths that’s what matters most.
Shop the Post: