Most people have no idea that I actually suffer from anxiety. In fact, it’s something I’ve lived with for MANY years and just typically keep it to myself. After hearing SO many people who have the same issues as me I decided why not share my story with all of you? If anything, it just shows I’m human and have some obstacles to overcome like some of you!
I never actually knew what anxiety was and thought the way I had been feeling for so long was just normal. For as long as I can remember I’ve shown signs of anxiety, stress and even sometimes depression. It’s hard to put into words because most the time when I tell people about this they often respond back with, “Why are you anxious or depressed? You’re life is great — you have nothing to complain about.”
Ugh, and you don’t know HOW many times I’ve heard those exact words.
Truth is, when you have these symptoms its something you can’t explain. I totally understand what it sounds like to most people and I’m not oblivious to the fact BUT I’ve realized it happens to SO many of us and it’s SO hard to explain it to an outsider if you are not actually IN it.
I have to say, I feel like it really began after I finished college and started my first “real” job as an accountant. I was in a job I wasn’t sure if I loved and kind of had a mental breakdown. I mean, in my mind, I had studied for 4+ years for this and realized it might not be for me?!
It would be a Sunday morning and I would already dread the thought of going to work the next day and endure a whole week of work. I was always on edge and felt it was hard to concentrate. It might sound crazy but a big part of my life was my first puppy who 6 months in I found out was dying of Kidney Failure. He was my world and knowing he wouldn’t live put me into total depression mode. He ended up passing away at less than 1 yr old and a few months later I found myself losing weight, depressed about life and unhappy with virtually everything. It was then that I realized something just wasn’t right. I felt unhappy with everything in my life, cried almost every day and started realizing I needed to do something about it.
People would often ask me, “Olia, what’s wrong?” and I had no words to even explain. It’s like this sadness or anxious feeling you have inside of you but don’t know how to express it and don’t have a specific reason as to why. Everything would make me anxious — driving, booked schedules, work, whether my house was clean and even if I saw my family or not. After months/years of feeling this way I actually took matters into my own hands, got control of my life and fixed it. I will say however, many years later, I’m still here and although feeling a LOT better, anxiety is definitely something I battle with daily. It’s something I don’t know that will ever disappear but I’ve learned to take small steps to change my outlook on life. Blogging gave me an opportunity to find something for ME, that makes me happy and although there are definitely times it makes me anxious it’s done SO much more good than bad in the end. It’s helped me have a place to express my feelings and connect to everyday people just like me.
Long story short, I wanted to share a bit of a more personal story with you and let you know that things like this happen to ALL of us. I look back on the personal struggles I’ve had and it just inspires me to at least put my story out there for people to see we are all human and have the same issues/emotions even if Instagram doesn’t always make it out to be that way. Just know that in the end we all deserve to live a happy, worry-free life too so don’t ever feel bad about the struggles – only focus on working past them for a better life.
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